When You Can't Just Say It
by Sara Jaye
Summary: In which the Chan Clan is more than a little introspective. Sometimes it's hard to express your deepest feelings to someone, even your own siblings.
1. From Tom to Anne: In these words, I fail

My confession to you is not going to be an easy task. I feel as though my vocabulary has lessened from it's usual caliber, as the sentiments I need to express are...quite unusual. But I intend to give it my best efforts.

Several times during our adventures, I've made sexist comments to you regarding your gender. Admittedly, some of them are ridiculous male bravado and hormone-induced stupidity on my end, but for the most part, that is not my reason.

Many times on a case, I'm aware of the dangers involved and that either of us could be injured. When I tell you to stay behind or let me handle things, it is not a lack of faith in your abilities, but rather...well, fear.

I don't ever want to see you get hurt, Anne. And I know you, you're often very reckless and impulsive. We've had so many close calls and every time there's a chance anyone could get hurt...any time there's a chance it could be _you_, it...scares me.

Don't get me wrong, I worry about our other genetic equals as well, I'd never want to see Nancy or Henry or Scooter or Suzie injured or in peril either, but when it comes to you, I just...

...there is no easy way to say this, is there?

I love working with you, I love how even though we're a year apart you never call me "little brother", I love how we're always there for each other. How our silly little arguments never amount to anything serious. How even though I'm an intellectual and you're athletic, sibling rivalry is nonexistent to us.

The truth is, Anne, you're the sister I've always felt the closest with. You're more than my sister, you're practically my best friend. And I don't know why I just can't come out and tell you, either. This isn't akin to a confession of romantic love.

Maybe I'm just a classic example of the cold intellectual, the man who can name every single monarch in England's history or list five kinds of bugs by their scientific names but is unable to tell his own sister how much he treasures her. Or a typical bone-headed male who masks his feelings with bone-headed comments.

So instead, I write this letter you'll probably never see. Maybe someday I'll give it to you, or be able to tell you these things to your face. But until then...just _try_ to understand, at least, that there never has been, nor will there ever be any true malice in my comments.

Just love and concern.


	2. From Henry to Stanley: Never change

So I decided to make a series out of these letters!

* * *

You're a real piece of work, you know that? Always goofing around with those silly costumes, doing stupid and reckless things and getting us into trouble, you hardly ever take anything seriously. You drive me nuts. I'd get the job done much faster if you weren't around, I could very easily say no, I'm not gonna work with you this time, you're on your own.

But the truth is, I'd rather not.

Stanley...I know I don't always act like it but I'm glad to have you as my partner, and even more as my brother. Sure, you're a pain in the neck and I wish you'd quit messing around all the time, but deep down I know you're doing your best to help out.

And the thing is? I don't think I'd enjoy working with you so much if you weren't you. In fact, it'd probably drive me even _more_ nuts than you already do! In fact, dare I say it...I _need_ you, and not just like "I need a stupid guy to make me feel smart". You make me smile, you're good company, I feel safer in risky situations when you're with me.

That's why, Stanley. That's why I'll never work alone, why I'll always team up with you. We're good together, we balance each other out. And I'll never tell you because deep down I think you already know.

You're the most welcome pain in the neck I've ever had. Never stop being you.


	3. From Mimi to Scooter: Listen

Okay, I know I'm always telling you to listen to me and bossing you around, and I know you're always telling me to stop telling you what to do. But this time you _have_ to listen to me because this is very important!

First of all, I only boss you because I love you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, and you're always jumping into things. But that's not the hard part of what I have to say. That's something you should know already.

The hard part is...well...I see how everyone in this family looks up to a big brother or sister, and since we were always together when we were really little I hoped you might look up to me, too. I knew you'd be looking up to Flip, since he is our leader and all, but...

...it just _bothers_ me how every time I tell you to do something you get mad, but you'll listen to Flip no matter what! I tell you to do your homework or stay out of sight and you call me bossy, but Flip could tell you to stand on your head in a pit of snakes and you'd do it!

There, I said it. I'm jealous of our big brother. It's not his fault, I know men always stick together. But I feel like you're my best friend, and I know you feel the same way about me. And best friends should stick together and listen to each other, right?

...oh, this isn't working! Nancy told me it was a good idea to write my feelings in a letter but none of this makes sense. I just don't want you to stop liking me forever because you think I'm too bossy.

Just read this and tell me you understand, okay?


	4. From Anne to Alan: You wonderful jerk

Okay, so you know how I'm never afraid to speak my mind, and you're always saying how bold I am? It turns out that's a half-lie. There's something I don't think I'll ever be able to say out loud, and it's to you, because I know you'd make fun of me.

First off, let me just say that you drive me so nuts that sometimes I wonder why I even feel like this. But then I think it's _because_ you drive me so nuts and I know you only do it because you care. Or maybe you're kind of a jerk sometimes, just like all guys.

Look, Alan...the point is, even if your comments drive me nuts and we don't always see eye to eye, you're still my brother and I love you to pieces.

I_ like _it when you call me "Annie", sometimes I even like when you tease me. I like your smile, I like how you always know how to make _me_ smile when I'm in a bad mood. I could listen to you play your oboe for hours, you know that?

Us four make a great team as it is, but I don't think any of us could get by without you...especially me. You're always so calm and laid back, it makes me feel safer when we're treading dangerous ground.

I feel lucky to have a brother like you. Boy, is _that_ sappy...but it's true.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...thanks, Alan. For being such a wonderful jerk.

But if you ever read this, you better not make fun of me or I'm gonna let you have it!


End file.
